Neon Genesis Colorado
by Draikinator
Summary: What happens when everyone in South Park becomes part of the cast of the hit anime Neon Genesis Evangelion? Read to find out.
1. Let's Watch Neon Genesis Evangelion!

**Neon Genesis Colorado**

Stan shifted uncomfortably from his spot beside the bus sign.

"Have you guys ever heard of an anime called Neon Genesis Evangelion?" He asked.

"Huh?" Kyle said, leaning forward to look past Cartman at his friend.

"The fuck is Neon Genesis Evangelion?" Cartman spat, scrunching up his nose in disgust. Stan fidgeted again.

"It's really good, dude, I watched like ten episodes on Youtube last night."Kenny mumbled something from the far right and Stan frowned, "No, dude, fuck off, they're not _cartoons_ they're _anime._ There's a difference."

Cartman sighed, "Ugh, fine, asshole, let's go watch your shitty baby cartoon."

"Fuck off dude it's anime! It's not for babies!"

They all ducked out before the bus arrived.

0000

Stan shoved the door to his house open, and almost immediately the foyer was littered with teenager's backpacks.

"My folks aren't home today," Stan said coolly, "They're out of town, getting Shelly set up and college and everything. They probably won't be back till tomorrow."

"Sweeeet," Cartman rolled.

"Fuck yeah dude," Kyle commented, shoving his hands into his pockets, "go put on your show dude, I'm gonna raid your fridge."

"Got it," Stan said, before tromping over to his laptop, balanced precariously on the edge of the couch where he had left it.

Cartman took his usual place in the single chair, and landed heavily with a screech of the springs. Kenny was far more polite, and sat delicately on his usual side of the couch, far from where Kyle and Stan sat- far too comfortable with eachother for the comfort of their friends.

Finally, once the HDMI cable was connected and the show beginning, Stan flopped down beside his super best friend and a fresh bowl of popcorn.

"Don't worry you guys, it's sick as hell, I promise."

Cartman grunted unenthusiastically, Kenny mumbled with encouragement, and Kyle shushed him.

000

Fifteen hours later, the red waves from the End of Evangelion faded out, and the credits rolled.

There was a full minute of silence.

"Jesus _fuck_ dude what is _wrong_ with you?" Cartman finally yelled, but it was too much for Stan, who just started crying.

"Ho-holy shit, dude, I thought you said that show was GOOD?" Kyle stammered finally, "That was pretty fucked up right there dude."

"That's- Fuck you Kyle, that's my line-" Stan huffed and puffed through sobs.

"No, seriously, dude, that was sick, what the fu- oh, ew, dde, that show was so fucked up it killed Kenny."

"I'm a bastard!" Stan wailed and threw his face into a pillow.

"Fuck, no, that's my l- no, fuck it, nevermind." Kyle sighed.

"Eugh, Jesus fuck Stan you like the worst cartoons," Cartman spat, and stoof up, "screw this, screw you guys, I'm goin' home. I'm gonna watch Red Racer."

Stan was unable to respond when Cartman left, and Kyle was quick to follow, leaving a completel horrified Stan to deal with the corpse hanging out on his couch.

000


	2. Ohayo Gozaimasu Children!

**Neon Genesis Colorado**

"Ne! Stan-kun, wake up!" came a voice from the hall. Stan sat up with a jolt- it took him a moment to place the language, but it was definitely Japanese. He hadn't used his Japanese since he was in third grade, but it came back to him more easily than he expected.

He pulled the thin blanket off of him- not his comforter, to his confusion, and stood up. He ran his fingers over the thin paper wall.

"Wha...?" He started, but the door was suddenly flung open by a tall woman with long purple hair, who was grinning from ear to ear.

"Stan-kun!" She said, "You don't want to be late for your first day of Nerv training, do you?" She said, wagging her finger. Stan gaped at her.

"Oh my _god_," he yelled in english, "You couldn't have at _least_ put me in the fucking _dub_, _COULD YOU?"_ He screamed upward, and Misato took a confused step back.

"Ehh, well, you just get dressed and I'll go get the others," She said nervously, before she scooted away down the hall.

"I fucking liked Spike Spencer's performance, okay!" Stan continued, "_HE WAS FUCKING ICONIC, OKAY!_"

000

Down the hall, Misato was knocking on Kyle's door.

Kyle shifted in his bed and woke with a grunt of confusion.

"Huh? What? Where? What's going on?" He mumbled, just as Misato threw his door open.

"おはよう、Kyle-ちゃん!" Kyle balked at her.

"Excuse me?"

She frowned at him, then tilted her head to the side, "あなたは日本の話すことはありません？"

"Wh- Whahahaa?" Kyle cried, standing up and dropping the covers all around him. Stan appeared behind her at the door.

"Holy shit dude," he laughed, "You don't speak Japanese?"

"Dude I barely spoke that shit when I was eight, I was fucking faking it! Literall who gives a shit about fucking chinpokomon?" Kyle yelled, ripping a clock radio out of the wall and throwing it at Stan, who dodged it nimbly.

"Holy shit dude, the fuck did I do that for?" Kyle said, staring at his hands.

"It's probably an anime thing," Stan commented, before nudging Misato with his elbow, "彼はアメリカ人ですが、英語を話す" Misato nodded.

"Okay, Kyle-kun, it's time for your first day at Nerv! So you better get dressed quick!" With that, she slammed the paper door shut, and moved down the hall to Cartman's room.

000

"Eric-kun?" Misato said, pulling the door open gently, "Are you ready for your first day at Nerv?"

"Shut the fuck up, myam, I'm trying to sleep."

"Oh no you don't, mister!" Misato cried, slamming the door open, "You better get up right now or you'll be late! You have your first sync test today!" Cartman waved his arm at her, but she ripped the sheet off of the bed, flinging him onto the floor with a flurry of curses.

"Fucky ou my- hey. You're not my Myam." Cartman said, confused, "My Myam doesn't even speak moonspeak. I... I don't think."

"Nope, probably not kiddo!" Misato says, tapping her hip as Cartman pulls himself to his feet.

"Wait a second- you're that bitch from that shitty cartoon Stan made me watch last night!" Cartman yelled, and Misato shushed him loudly.

"Be polite, Eric-kun! You gotta meet Commander Ikari today. So try and keep your mouth clean, would'ya?" She steps out of the room as Cartman kicks the bedpost and swears.

000

Kenny rolls over at the knock on his door.

"Kenny-chan?" Misato says, and he looks up blearily at her peaking in through the door.

"Are you speaking Japanese?" He mumbles brightly through his hood, and she nods with a laugh.

"Yes, Kenny-chan, you're _still_ in Japan. You all got in last night, you're the new pilots."

"Fuck yeah!" Kenny yelled, jumping out of bed, "I need a fuckin' dress!" Misato laughed, "Well, Asuka-kun probably has some, but I don't know how excited she'll be to share, so I'm leaving that battle to you. If you're gonnado it though, do it quick, we gotta leave soon!"

She shut the door, but Kenny followed her out immediately, to see Asuka standing over Shinji in the kitchen as he cooked.

"Hurry up, stupid Shinji! I'm not missing lunch today because you overslept!"

"Asuka-san, I didn't oversleep! I have to make four more lunches today!" She scoffs loudly.

"_That's_ no excuse! You should have gotten up even _earlier_ then!"

Kenny tugged on her sleeve.

"Are you Asuka-san?" he asked politely, and she frowned.

"Which one are you, anyway? Eric?"

Kenny shook his head, "No, Asuka-san, my name is Kenny. You sure look pretty today," he added, blinking up at her, and she blushed, turning away.

"Huh? Y-yeah, well, I always do, so, you shouldn't be thinking of me like that. You're just a _kid,_ Kenny."

"I think we can be friends," Kenny said, and Asuka snorted again with a huff, "I didn't pack so good, it looks like, I was just wondering if I could borrow a girl's school uniform?"

"A girl's?" She said, surprised, "Why do _you_ want a _girl's_ school uniform?"

"Because they're cuter." He said simply. Asuka stared at him for a moment, before she noticed Shinji, who had turned around to balk. She grinned.

"Of _course_ you can, Kenny-kun!" She said, sidestepping him purposefully towards her quarters, "I know it _probably_ won't fit you very well, _especially_ around the chest, so you won't look _nearly_ as cute as me, but you'll still be a heck of a lot cuter than _wondergirl!_" she said, and kenny grinned beneath his hood, before finally turning to Shinji.

"Shinji-san, you're burning the karaage," Kenny pointed out, and Shinji turned back to the pan with a yelp."

000


	3. That's Princess Kenny-Sama to you, Kyle!

Neon Genesis Colorado

Kyle sat in the plug nervously, twiddling his thumbs together. He hoped he had a good score, and soon enough, him and his old and new friends were allowed to leave.

"すごい! Kyle-kun, あなたはハイスコアを持っていた！!" Misato congratulated, and Kyle stared at her helplessly.

"She said you did better than us," Kenny mumbled through his hood as he patted down the delicate folds of his dress.

"Kenny, ask her what I'm supposed to do about that," Kyle said, and Kenny frowned.

"_Princess_ Kenny." He said, then paused. "Princess Kenny-sama to you, Kyle." He- no, sorry, she, said. Kenny nodded at the narrator, pleased. Kyle ignored the motion, as he had no metaphysical concept of the narrator, and while neither did Princess Kenny-sama, the narrator in fact narrated her acknowledging the narrator, and thus, the narrator was acknowledged.

Kenny turned to Misato to translate, but she waved a hand at him.

"Oh, of course I speak english. Not as good as you of course," She said with a giggle, "Kyle-kun, you did so good today! Your scores are the best and we want to put you and your friends in a four-person unit, Unit 06, with you as the leader."

At that, Princess Kenny-sama suddenly perked up.

"ない方法！それは公平ではない！私はお姫様だよ！!" She cried, and Misato shushed her.

"Eh?" Kyle stammered.

"I'm the goddamn princess, I should be the fucking captain..." Princess Kenny-sama grumbled unhappily, but Misato shushed her again.

"Good. You'll accept the position of head pilot, then, Kyle-kun." Kyle nodded with a gulp.

"S-sure, I guess so."

000

The seven of them sat in a haphazard shape in the Nerv cafeteria. Three of the Colorado boys were having difficulty using chopsticks, and Cartman's whining eventually netted him a fork- though Stan and Kyle perservered despite the rumbling in their tummies. Princess Kenny, of course, had no problem, and ate her lunch adorably.

Kyle tapped the white soles of his converse against the laminate floor before he finally looked up, "So, Shinji, how long have you been a pilot?"

"恐れ入りますが？" Shinji said, confused. Kyle sighed and returned to trying to eat his bento.

"So, Shin-chan," Princess Kenny said sweetly, and Shinji winced, "How long have you been a pilot?"

Shinji looked down, face going red, "Only a little while..." He said quietly, and Asuka snorted.

"Well _I've_ been a pilot most of my entire life! I've been training for _years_ to be an elite evangelion _pilot._"

"I guess a girl would need that kinda training sinec we made the thing move on the first fucking day," Cartman grumbled through his lunch, and Asuka yelled something unintelligable in German before hitting him.

While they were fighting over the remaining bento that she had not knocked over, Kenny glanced sideways and Shinji.

"I'm sure you're a very good pilot," She said, and Shinji blushed again.

"Oh, no," He said, "I've only even been in it a few times... I'm really just lucky."

"I doubt that," Princess Kenny-sama said huskily, sliding toward him, "You lookedvery skilled, Shin-chan."

Shinji's face lit up like a tomato, and he scrambled away immediately.

"I- uh- I'm- I'm not- I'm not hungry, I gotta go now." He said, tapping away down the corridor quickly. In converse.

Princess Kenny-sama frowned, then shrugged, and slid Shinji's bento beside her own, and focused on finishing both of them before either Cartman or Asuka could realize there was an extra.

000

That evening, it was decided they would take turns in the bath, despite their Japanese roommates assurances they didn't have to. Princess Kenny-sama, being royalty, was permitted to go first, quickly followed by Cartman, then Stan, and finally Kyle.

As Kyle was stepping into the Japanese bath, confused as to how it was operated, there was a skittering noise nearby, and he grabbed a discarded bra to cover himself quickly, only to scream like an infant when a small feathered creature rushed toward him.

He stumbled back out of the bathroom and into the kitchen shrieking while Penpen rushed past him, waddling on its webbed feet (which were inside of converse, of course), his nethers hidden demurely by one of Misato's bras.

He could not hide the FF0000 colour in his face when the entire house, including Misato, began laughing hysterically at him.

000


	4. Go, Chosen Children! Defeat Israfel!

**Neon Genesis Colorado**

Stan kicked his bag under his desk absently. The fabric of his uniform was heavy and itchy and unfamiliar, and Tokyo-3 was far too hot for a Colorado mountain boy.

"Need any help with your homework, new kid? I betcha can't even read it," A voice near him said. Stan looked up to see the bright, beaming face of Kensuke.

"Oh, right, no, I can read it just fine. My Japanese is pretty good," Stan said, before frowning, "Kyle probably needs help though. He doesn't speak a word of japanese. It's kinda fucked up they put him in this class in the first place."

In fact, Kyle was sitting in the very back of the room, as close to Rei as he could, eyes darting about nervously. Rei made no motion to speak to him, and Stan suspected that was why he was sitting near her. Kensuke grunted in affirmation before trotting over to the pilot he felt he could get the most information out of.

Cartman was still fighting with Asuka in the front of the room. Whatever they were yelling about, they were yelling in German and Stan was glad he could not understand them.

He was not interested in any of the people in this classroom. For but a moment in this world his heart had ached for Wendy, but now it ached for another. One not here.

000

The blaring of the city's horns was deafening.

"We need to get to Nerv headquarters." Rei stated, her voice as quiet and deadly determined as ever.

"Well, duh!" Asuka cried, "Come on, new kids, _I_ know the way."

It was a brief run there, and a quick suit up. Princess Kenny-sama, of course, was finished first.

"I'll go on ahead," Princess Kenny-sama said, "I'll run the boot up protocols on Unit 06- just get dressed!"

"Asuka, you're on point-" Misato yelled, and Asuka cried out an affirmation, "Rei, Unit 00 is still in Cryo, stand backup! Shinji, you and Asuka get out there."

The other boys (and girl) were not far behind, and just as Unit 02 and Unit 01 were sent flying by the two split angels of Israfel, Unit 06 and its four pilots launched from the ground and landed in Tokyo-3 wiht an earth shattering thud that crushed pavement and snapped miles of phone lines.

"Fall back!" Misato cried, "We don't have enough information! We need to regroup!"

Kyle tensed, "Fall back? But we just got up here!"

"That's an order!"

"...Right, ma'am-" Kyle started, just as Stan lurched the robot forward.

"What the fuck are you doing, Stan!?" Cartman yelled at him, and the Unit jittered uncertainly.

"If you don't help me, we'll be sitting ducks!" Stan shrieked, psuhing forward, "Watch this, Misato!"

Kyle swore, "I'm sorry Misato!" He yelled, cutting off the com and her frenzied orders. He shoved his arms, and the giant arms trigger things that are there that were never really explained? What the fuck are those things anyway? The goddamn robot connects to their brains directly what the fuck do the arm things even do other than look cool? goddamn i do not fucking know but he oes that thing where he heaves his shoulders and they jerk around a bunch and it looks cool. he does that.

The robot jumped forward, clean and smooth, into Israfel, who whipped it's creescent arms around, and immediately sliced off Unit 06's left arm.

Princess Kenny-sama began to scream, and Cartman laughed.

"Ha, that was Kinny's limb. Serves ya right ya poor fuck, ya shouldn'tbe pilotin no giant fuckin robots anyway."

Princess Kenny-sama just continued to scream, before doing the arm punch thing and slamming Unit 06's head into the left S2 core of Israfel's left half.

The three boys were working hard to coordinate the remaining seven arms into grabbing the other S2 core.

However, the first core had no yet fractured. Princess Kenny-sama, still screaming, tears streaming wet from her eyes, breathed in and with the scream, there was a moment of silence- then suddenly, the silence was gone as a song burst from her, filled with her pain, and filled wiht all the desire to save humanity. The song was untranscribable, unimaginable- and for a moment, Mysterion sat in the cockpit, saving a city he did not even belong to.

There was a crack in the core, and both Israfel's became one- the prog knife in the arm controlled by Cartman slammed into the S2 core, and the whole creature burst.

The song faded when Princess Kenny-sama passed out, and the boys (and unconscious girl) waited for Nerv to come and retrieve them.

000


	5. Romantic Undertones? No way!

Cartman kicked his bag under his seat absentmindedly.

"Hey, where's the _blonde_ girl?" Asuka asked, leaning on her hand across her desk toward him. Cartman sighed in frustration.

"Kinny's in the hospital with the red eyed bitch," He picked at the glue under his desk in annoyance, and Asuka huffed.

"What, with Wondergirl? She didn't even _do_ anything."

"Yeah, she's kind of a wuss," Cartman agreed, and he didn't miss Asuka's eyes light up.

"Hey, Cartman-kun, can I call you Eric?" Asuka said suddenly, and Cartman frowned.

"What? Yeah, sure, whatever."

Asuka smiled.

000

It was that night that Kyle was washing up when he saw the penguin again. Penpen was rummaging around in the laundry basket, but he had fallen in and become stuck. Kyle quickly strode over and plucked him from the basket.

"Hey, whoa little dude, it's okay, hold still," He said, setting Penpen down on the ground.

Penpen shook himself off, before looking up at Kyle. It was the first time Kyle had actually looked the penguin in the eyes- and it was an extraordinary experience. He felt himself unable to pull away from those glittering black bird eyes, and Penpen was the first to do so, but only after he placed one clawed flipper on Kyle's knee. Then, the moment was over, just as quickly as it had begun, and Penpen was out the door, leaving Kyle alone with his thoughts.

And every one of those thoughts were of Penpen.

000

Princess Kenny-sama woke up in the hospital bed with a start.

"Huh? Where am I?" She asked, looking around. Her eyes fell on Shinji beside her, equipped with a warm soda.

"Hey! You're up!" He said brightly, and Princess Kenny-sama blinked.

"Yeah, I am, what are you doing here?" She asked curiously, and Shinji blushed.

"Oh- no reason- I'm just here so you wouldn't be alone when you woke up. That was your first battle, after all." Shinji paused, looking at his shoes, "You were amazing. I can't believe you lost your arm and kept going."

Princess Kenny-sama laughed, partially and Shinji's shyness and partially at the irony, "It's not the first arm I've lost. I wouldn't be worried about me if I were you."

Shinji kept looking at his shoes, but he slid the soda onto the side table where it was in arm's reach of Princess Kenny-sama.

"But, I _do_ worry..." He said quietly. Princess Kenny-sama was silent, but a delicate pink tint crept across her cheeks, and she opened the soda with a slow hiss.

000

They were all sitting in the plugs again for a regular day's sync test.

The com on Princess Kenny-sama's right hand side buzzed, and Cartman's voice filled the cockpit.

"Hey, Kinny!" He sneered, and Princess Kenny-sama frowned.

"You will refer to me by my title, curr," she hissed, and Cartman snickered.

"Yeah, yeah, right, Princess fag-sama, guess what?"

Princess Kenny-sama hit the com, shutting it off. It flared back to life.

"Okay fine jesus christ princess fucking Kenny-sama, alright?" Princess Kenny-sama smiled, pleased.

"Guess what?" Cartman continued, and Princess Kenny-sama sighed.

"What, Eric?"

"I'm gonna beat you _and_ Kahl at the sync test today. Then _I'll_ be Captain. My first order of business is that you stop wearing _dresses_, k- Princess Kenny-sama."

Princess Kenny-sama frowned, before slamming her fist down on the com lock button.

The cockpit was filled with silence as she focused as intensely as possible.

000

"Good work, everyone!" Misato said to the group of children before her.

"Kyle-kun, you've still got the high sync ratio, except for Shinji-kun." Shinji perked up brightly, "Ke- Princess Kenny-sama, you did really well! You went up by _fifty_ points today! Whatever you did, _keep_ doing it." Princess Kenny-sama held her chin high proudly. She turned to Cartman, "Eric-san. You're still dead last. You need to work harder." Cartman's face flushed angrily and Asuka sneered proudly at him.

Stan waited patiently, but she didn't turn to him.

"And me, Misato-san?" He said finally. Misato smiled.

"Right. Could everyone else leave? Stan-san, I need to speak to you alone."

There was a lot of giggling and sneering, but the room emptied.

"Stan-san... no, Stan-chan," she said, putting a hand on his shoudler. "You haven't moved at all. We've done several sync tests so far, you should have improved at least a little bit."

Stan's face flushed, and his eyes went downward, but Misato picked his chin up to look at him intently.

"Stan-chan. I know you can do so much better. You could be the best pilot here, if you only tried."

Stan gulped, his heart aflutter. "I- I'll try, Misato-s... Misato-chan." She smiled at him.

"Good. Now, go on with your friends. You have homework."

Stan tripped over himself twice trying to get out of the room while Misato watched pleasantly.

000


End file.
